Humans are hard-wired to be good at detachment
The ability to endure heartbreak has offered an evolutionary advantage.
Dear friends,
I want to start by saying thank you, I love seeing your tweets and Instagram stories mentioning the newsletter. I am glad you are enjoying the conversations, do let me know if you want me to talk about something specifically. But, yes, keep the love coming! Also, sorry for sending this out on a Monday again, Substack had some bugs yesterday, again!
Last year on August 9th, I sent out a newsletter titled, “When letting go is the only option” where I was talking about my journey of giving away our much loved PFA space and how hard it was to reconcile with that act of separation. As August knocked at my door this year, I was once again taken back to last year’s memories, of saying goodbye to those painted walls, and I realized that moving on is an ongoing process. No matter how many days have passed by, and what else has happened, you still feel the ache for things you have given up on, for the people you have left behind, the journey you are no longer making.
But I have also realized that human beings are quite proficient in moving on. If you look back you will realize that your life is composed of consecutive acts of moving on. You study in a school for 10-12 years and then suddenly your journey ends, you are no longer in school, you are in college and as you start getting comfortable there, bam! College ends. You are now wandering for a job, you land a job, but soon you will leave this job and be working somewhere else. The same happens with cities and apartments and friend circles and relationships. We are constantly in a flux, we are constantly moving on.
Interestingly, I found out that humans are hard-wired to be good at detachment. The researchers explain that the ability to endure heartbreak and ultimately enter a new relationship may have offered an evolutionary advantage.
In our evolutionary past, selection pressures may have been such that individuals who could successfully jettison a mate and find a new one, when the situation called for it, would have been better able to solve the evolutionary imperative of reproduction — in other words, they sent more of their genes on to the next generation.
Dr. Brian Boutwell
This evolutionary aspect perhaps also informs us and helps us to move on in other aspects of life.
I also wanted to know your thoughts and perspective about moving on, therefore I put out an Instagram story asking about the same, and as always the responses were quite thought-provoking:
“Living in the past made me both happy and sad. I stopped doing it and now I can focus on my present very well.”
“It can be hard honestly, to be mindful of the fact that moving on is essential and that the future is beautiful. Because at the moment you are too wrapped up in your emotions.”
“In my view, we make too big of an issue about moving on. Isn’t change the only constant in life? So why be so sad about something which is meant to happen? Go with the flow. Don’t be too invested in people.”
“People should move on at their own pace. Give themselves time to fully overcome their emotions otherwise they keep re-bounding.”
“I am a ‘clingy’ kind of a person. It’s difficult for me to let go of things and people. I struggle with it a lot and I fear that sometimes I just remain connected just for the sake of being so. Because I fear losing out.”
“I moved on from my toxic group of friends at the start of the pandemic. As a result, I was all alone during the pandemic. But my story is not so sad. In fact, I am so glad I moved on because they would have made my life more miserable. It is hard to be alone but it is harder to be around people who undermine you. So, I would say move on from things that are not meant for you.”
What I was Reading this Week?
A morning routine for people who don’t believe in a morning routine.
What sweat, wine, and electricity can teach us about humanity?
What’s happening in the Creator Economy?
They are Olympians. They are Mothers. They don’t have to choose.
What I Was Doing This Week?
I was in conversation with Sonal Bahl, host of the 'How I Got Hired' Podcast and a mastermind of recruitment for this week’s Pepper Spotlight podcast.
We at PFA closed our participation window for #standforcreators. The artists will be featured soon, so do follow us @platformforartists
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