What we understood about Love.
If you missed our community meetup, here is a quick summary.
Dear Friends
We had our fourth community event on the 14th of February, 2021. Pawan and Safalta talked about modern love and relationships in an attempt to decode and define love. Here are the highlights of our discussion!
What is your definition of Love?
Safalta believes her definition of love is not an independent concept of its own, she always defines love with respect to a particular person. Real love doesn’t require evaluation, you feel that love, and its presence in your life. She also feels love can never be devoid of friendship. Pawan says love is the kind of collaborative leadership where both of you decide to be there for each other. And collaboration is about reciprocation, it’s not a one-way street. It’s like paddle boating, where both people are in sync and act together in unison.
What are 3 qualities that are common to both of you?
Both of them practice kindness and gratitude. That’s what gives them humility and keeps them grounded. Both of them understand the importance of communication, they don’t suppress their emotions or hoard things in their mind. They are open and transparent when it comes to communicating with each other and that strengthens their relationship.
What value does friendship hold in your life?
Safalta says she has a close-knit group of friends and she values them with all her heart. When she takes a big leap of faith or is at a crucial juncture in life they will always have her back, they will support and understand her. They have seen her grow and evolve, and there is no obligation, the relationship is organic and strong even if they don’t talk for weeks. Pawan has known his friends for 12-15 years, for him that bond is extraordinary. They don’t even need an explanation. They know what he is feeling or thinking intuitively, such is the strength of his friendships. Both of them think that their friends are just like their family and it could never be otherwise.
What role does love and affection hold in your life? What value have they added to each other’s lives?
Love and affection play a significant role in Safalta’s life. Safalta feels she is quite clumsy and laid-back in life but Pawan has made her more organised and helped her bring balance to her life. Love has subconsciously brought peace and calmness into Pawan’s life. Love imparts a kind of happiness that according to him makes a person do better in their everyday life.
Do you think that people fall in love and feel this strong emotion towards someone which they can't control themselves or is love a conscious choice they make every day to keep loving someone?
Pawan is very clear that it’s a choice that you make every day. He believes that may be the first time you meet or develop feelings for someone might be by mere chance but after that to keep loving someone, one has to invest the effort and energy every day. Safalta adds that it is a choice that is made effortlessly. It doesn’t feel like a burden to continue that relationship, it happens seamlessly.
Where do we draw the line? What is changing for good while someone is in love, and what is just destroying their essence?
Pawan says he has a very definite and strong sense of emotions and beliefs, that cannot be shaken so easily. And he would never compromise his essence or his personality, it might evolve over time by being with someone. And for him the line is clear and distinct, he knows what he is and what he wants. Safalta agrees that it is all about maintaining your individualism while being in a relationship. It’s about co-existing and reaching a middle ground in times of crisis. She also believes that the right person helps you find yourself instead of sabotaging who you are.
Just like there is a trial version before getting into a long time subscription. Do you think being in a live-in relationship is important before getting married?
Pawan firstly clarified that marriage is not the ultimate reaching point for love. Marriage is one of the milestones of life just like graduating or getting a job. The concept of love is not contingent on whether you live together or not, therefore a trial period is not necessary so to say. Safalta brought the context of vested interest and accrued interest. And she says that when you realise that you have vested interest in someone and not accrued as in something dependent on some conditions then you don’t require a trial period to decide the validity of your love. She says love should not be defined by such labels.
Will Smith once said that it was not his job to make his wife happy, he believes he can make her laugh or smile but whether or not she is happy is out of his control. Do you think people in love shouldn't be emotionally dependent on each other?
Safalta feels love is a deep and influential emotion. So when you are in love with someone you are naturally emotionally dependent on them. Only when you are emotionally connected with each other, you can maintain your separate identities on other fronts. Pawan feels you should not put your emotional burden on someone else. Expecting your partner to be your sole source of emotional stability is also wrong because it is bound to overwhelm that person.
Loving someone is very difficult at times. There are days when you fail to understand your partner, there are days you don't feel the love you think you deserve. On those days how to maintain your faith in your love?
They shared their unique way of handling a crisis. Whenever they face a deadlock or have an argument they pause the conflict for the moment. And schedule a particular time in the next couple of days to resolve that conflict. This helps them to emotionally detach from the argument at hand and see the problem from a neutral standpoint. It helps them to understand each other better and gives them perspective. Which thereby helps them solve the issue efficiently.
Has it been difficult adjusting to each other’s professions especially since both of you come from different backgrounds?
Pawan says it is not necessary to be in a relationship with someone working in the same field or having a similar profession. Don’t have necessities, checklists, or conditionalities before stepping into a relationship. Safalta added that if have mutual respect for each other’s professions and have faith in your partner’s potential, then that is all you need.
Did your understanding of love change throughout this relationship?
Pawan says his concept of love theoretically and in reality, co-exists. There are no discrepancies in what he wants and what he has. And therefore he feels he is taking this further step of marrying Safalta. For her, she realised what is expression of love and how it makes one feel to be in love.
In love, you generally take someone for granted only when you don’t value or respect them with the same intensity. Otherwise, your love won’t feel stagnant or stuck.
That is it from my end, you will hear from Pawan on Sunday about our usual emails!
Take care and we hope you enjoyed the Valentines Day event and summary.